I just wrapped a project with two other people, and it was wonderful working with them. Now we're exploring the feasibility of a new project, and I thought I'd share the process with you as we go along. It's new territory for me at least: I'm a writer and the writing part's already done. We're thinking of taking a short (nine page) script and making a movie out of it for Youtube.
There are three of us, all female. Here's the script:
The Suitcase Man
by
Mary Jeddore Blakney
Based on a short story by the same name.
EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
An older car is parked at a convenience store. GRETCHEN, a
pretty young woman, goes around the car with growing alarm
trying all the handles but everything is locked. She stands
in disbelief for a moment, then walks into the store.
INT. STORE
GRETCHEN is in the aisles, looking carefully at the products
on a shelf. She doesn't find what she's looking for. She
looks up and sees a store employee, KAYLA, straightening
a cooler shelf.
GRETCHEN
Excuse me.
Kayla jerks her head up. She'd been falling asleep.
GRETCHEN
Sorry to bother you, but do you
carry lockout kits?
KAYLA
Nope. Manager doesn’t want to be
responsible for car thefts. Can’t
say as I blame her, either. Lock
yourself out?
GRETCHEN
(Nods and sighs)
KAYLA
Child in the car?
GRETCHEN
No, fortunately, my brothers are
safe at home.
KAYLA
(Grunts)
GRETCHEN
Would you happen to have a wire
coathanger?
KAYLA
(Jumps. She's been sleeping on
her feet.)
Sorry, can’t help you. I had one,
but I gave it to a guy to tie up
his tailpipe with. It was starting
to fall off, dragging on the
ground.
GRETCHEN
Is there an auto-parts store around
here, close enough to walk to? Even
if it’s a couple of miles, that
would be okay.
KAYLA
No, closest one’s in Bradford, and
that’s got to be, gee, twenty
miles? I’m trying to think…
GRETCHEN
How about a dry cleaner's?
A middle-aged female CUSTOMER comes into view, picks up a
package of donuts, changes her mind and puts them back.
KAYLA
Well, yeah. Actually, there’s
one…it’s not that far. Can’t be
more than a mile, anyway. I’ll give
you directions but you might want
to write them down; there’s kind of
a lot of turns.
CUSTOMER
(Pulls out a pen and hands it
to Gretchen)
That’s my business. You can keep
it.
GRETCHEN
(Looks at pen. It advertises
cruises.)
Thanks.
Customer exits.
GRETCHEN
I should have asked her for a ride.
KAYLA
She would have said no anyway. She
comes here all the time, so I kind
of know her. She’s paranoid
someone’s going to steal her car.
EXT. SIDEWALK NIGHT
GRETCHEN trudges like she's been walking for a while. She's
alone and there's not much traffic. The sidewalk is crumbly
and sometimes disappears into a well-worn dirt path.
EXT. DRY CLEANER SHOP NIGHT
GRETCHEN arrives and is disappointed to find the shop
closed. She scours the parking lot and eventually finds what
she's looking for: a wire coathanger.
EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
There's less light now: the store is closed. GRETCHEN
struggles to straighten the hanger with just her hands, her
knee and a parking curb. She keeps wincing and flexing her
fingers because she's hurting them. When she's got it
straight she starts poking the seal around the driver's door
window and eventually gets it in. She struggles for a long
time, pulling the wire out and bending it, trying again,
bending again, until finally she gets it to reach the lock.
But it's too weak and bends instead of pressing the button.
She's exasperated and scared. She sits on a parking curb,
very discouraged, pulls her phone out of her pocket, dials
and puts the phone to her ear.
FADE TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
GRETCHEN is still sitting on the parking curb with the phone
to her ear.
911 DISPATCHER (O.S.)
I'll transfer you to the State
Police.
GRETCHEN waits.
STATE POLICE DISPATCHER (O.S.)
“The only thing we can do for you
is find you a wrecker service.
Unfortunately, we don’t perform
lockout service. Would you like me
to help you find a wrecker service?
GRETCHEN
Yes, please.
INT. WRECKER COMPANY
MADDY, the twenty-something night desk person, sits with her
feet on the desk. The phone rings.
MADDY
Howard Towing service. Servicio de
grua.
(listens)
We don’t do lockout service. I wish
I could help you, but they
shouldn’t have sent you to us. What
you need is a locksmith.
GRETCHEN (O.S.)
Can you help me find a locksmith?
MADDY
(Looking around for it)
I got a phonebook around here
somewhere. I could look in there.
GRETCHEN (O.S.)
That'd be great, thanks.
EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
GRETCHEN paces, holding her phone and a piece of register
receipt paper full of writing on both sides. She pulls up
her left sleeve and there are several phone numbers written
on her arm. She dials one and waits.
GRETCHEN
Hi, how much do you charge for
lockout service?
(listens, looks disappointed,
writes "$85" on her arm under
the number)
Kay, thanks. I might call you back.
FADE OUT
EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
GRETCHEN sits on the parking curb. All the phone numbers on
her arm have prices written under them now. They are all $80
and up except for one: $45.
GRETCHEN
I know I said I wouldn't call this
one, but...here goes.
(dials, doesn't wait long)
JEREMIAH (O.S.)
Lockout service.
GRETCHEN
Hi, my name is Gretchen and I
called a few minutes ago.
JEREMIAH (O.S.)
Yes, I remember you. Did you decide
to go ahead with the job?
GRETCHEN
(grimacing)
Yes, I did.
JEREMIAH (O.S.)
Great! That’s automotive lockout
service for forty-five dollars.
Will you be paying with cash?
GRETCHEN
With cash, yes. I even have exact
change.
JEREMIAH (O.S.)
That’s fantastic, Gretchen. Just
sit tight, and we’ll get you out of
there - or, into there, I guess. If
he’s not there in twenty minutes,
just give me a call back, alright?
EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
GRETCHEN paces, waiting, and an unmarked white pickup pulls
up. It parks nearby and JEREMIAH, a shaggy, heavyset young
man gets out. He's wearing blue coveralls with no markings.
JEREMIAH
Are you Gretchen.
GRETCHEN
Sure am. Thanks for coming.
JEREMIAH
(Walks toward her, offers his
hand.)
No problem. I'm Jeremiah.
They shake hands.
JEREMIAH
Listen, I know we quoted you
forty-five dollars over the phone,
but if the money’s an issue,
there’s a way you can actually get
the job done for free.
GRETCHEN
(disgusted, ready to defend
herself)
Listen, Mister, some things are
just not for sale. I was told I was
going to get my car unlocked for
forty-five dollars, and as far as
I’m concerned you’re here to unlock
my car for forty-five dollars.
JEREMIAH
(flinches, backs up, turns his
palms out)
Oh, no, no, no, Ma’am, it’s nothing
like that. It’s just that…well,
here’s the deal: I’m not a
locksmith. I don’t actually know
how to get your car unlocked.
GRETCHEN
(pulling out her phone)
You’re kidding me. You’re not a
locksmith? What are you, then, some
kind of sicko?
JEREMIAH
(taking another step back)
I didn’t mean to scare you. Hear me
out, okay? I promise I won’t touch
you.
GRETCHEN
(her thumb over the '9'
button)
Okay.
JEREMIAH
We’ve got a suitcase - some
business associates and me - and it
needs to be somewhere else. It’s
not that big, kind of small, like a
small carry-on bag or what my
grandmother used to call an
overnight case. Not that much
bigger than a laptop case,
actually, and probably a little bit
lighter, too. The problem is, it’s
not doing anybody any good as long
as it’s sitting here with us, and
we’ve got a customer in Maryland
that would very much like to have
it.
GRETCHEN
(almost amused)
Somebody in Maryland would like to
have your suitcase?
JEREMIAH
What's in the suitcase - which is
locked, by the way, and you don’t
need to worry about what’s in it.
It’s not hazardous, not radioactive
or explosive or anything like that.
That’s all you need to know.
GRETCHEN
Okay.
JEREMIAH
The transaction is of a
rather...sensitive nature. It’s a
drop ship situation - you know, a
middle-man deal, and we can’t
reveal the middle-man’s source
(that’s us), and the middle-man is
actually a guy in a wheelchair who
spends all his time online and
doesn’t really leave his apartment,
so delivering it himself is not an
option. What we need is to find a…a
neutral third party, you might call
it, to deliver the product for us.
Now here’s where you come in: if
you choose to be that party,
there’s five thousand dollars in it
for you. And of course, with five
thousand dollars you can hire all
the locksmiths you like.
GRETCHEN
(with a dry laugh)
You’re forgetting one thing. I
wouldn’t be able to deliver it
anyway, unless I got my car
unlocked first.
JEREMIAH
(points)
Got that all taken care of. See
that parking lot?
GRETCHEN
(turns to look)
Yeah?
JEREMIAH
That’s the park-and-ride, and you
can’t see it from here, but right
on the other side of that is the
bus station. So you won’t need to
use your car to deliver the
suitcase; you can take the bus.
Your car can just stay right here
until you get back; it’ll be fine.
I’ll buy you a round-trip ticket.
GRETCHEN
So what’s in the suitcase?
JEREMIAH
We already went over that part.
Come on, Gretchen. I’m not stupid,
and it’s pretty clear to me that
you aren’t either. Let’s not play
any games.
GRETCHEN
Right.
(Stares at him for several
seconds.)
You really expect me to do this for
you?
JEREMIAH
(Shrugs)
It's up to you.
(Looks around)
But honestly, from the looks of it,
it doesn’t really seem to me like
you’ve got a whole lot of other
options.
