How to Keep Your Author Blog a Secret

How often have you heard an author say, "I quit blogging because nobody reads my blog anyway"? I hear it a lot. Maybe I've heard it from you.

This blog gets anywhere from 10 to 40 visits a day when I do my usual routine. It would probably be a lot more than that by now if I hadn't had a family crisis this spring and had to neglect it for a few months, since traffic had been steadily building up to that point.

So if you're dying to be one of those authors who can proudly say, "Nobody reads my blog," I think I can help you. Just follow these simple steps:

1. Don't post blog entries too often. After all, why should you? Nobody reads them anyway. The great thing about this technique is that it's self-fulfilling: if anybody does wander onto your blog, he or she will see there's nothing new there, anyway. Not worth coming back.
2. Don't entertain or educate. Just blog about yourself and your books. After all, news about what other writers are doing belongs on the other writers' blogs, and knowledge is power, so you wouldn't give that away for free. Even if you make the mistake of posting every day, you can still effectively repel readers as long as you don't offer any valuable content. Oh, and it helps to gripe a lot, and make them feel guilty for not buying your books.
3. Do be impersonal. Readers visit blogs (and buy books) because they feel a connection with the author, so your goal should be to look like a know-it-all literary demigod that's probably made of plastic.
4. Do be unprofessional. Use your blog to badmouth your husband or launch cheap personal attacks on famous people. And don't forget to repeat any nasty rumors you see on Facebook. 
5. Do push your blog on Twitter and Facebook. Use a lot of CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! and tell all your tweeps how great your blog is, frequently. They'll probably unfollow you, but at any rate you won't have to worry about retweets, shares, listings and, worst of all, hits on your blog.
6. Don't be friendly on social media sites. Don't take an interest in other authors or let people think you are approachable, kind, likable or anything like that. That sort of behavior not only draws people to your blog; if you keep it up you will end up getting enthusiastic fans (if your writing is good). Your traffic will start to snowball, as people you've never even heard of will start promoting you to their friends.

I mentioned I have a routine that helps bring in traffic. Here it is:

1. I post regularly, every day if I can.
2. I try to mix up the content a little: some fiction, some writing tips, some glimpses of what life is like for me as a New Hamsphire fiction writer; plenty of guest posts or spotlights on other writers.
3. I try to be honest. I'm not Stephen King, and since you're not stupid, I would never get away with pretending I am. I'm good at some things and stink at others, so it's only logical that I should give advice where I can and ask for help where I need to.
4. I try to be respectful. There are certain sides of my personal life that you will never see here, including family squabbles (I have a very loving family, but nobody is immune to spats), things people tell me in confidence, etc.
5. I use Hootsuite to schedule hourly tweets, most of which link to blog entries. I try to use hashtags that will help the tweets be found by the people who want to read those posts, I mention any Twitter users involved, and I try to keep the tweets informative instead of sounding like an obnoxious midway vendor.
6. I also use Hootsuite to schedule other tweets that help other authors, and do not link to this blog. I think it's important to be a team player.
7. I use Tweetdeck to organize my Twitter feeds and interact with other people on Twitter. 
8. I post a link to my blog on Facebook only when I think a decent chunk of my Facebook friends would be interested. Otherwise, I shut up, because I don't want them to get in the habit of ignoring me.

Suckers Guild

Late last fall, I got into a conversation on Twitter about how much better things would be for both writers and readers if there were an indie writers' guild. It started out very light-hearted - an offhand comment and a couple of joking responses - but very soon we realized we were onto something.

The Premise

The idea was that as much as we may want to, no one writer can ever produce a truly professional book all alone. It's not that we can't teach ourselves anything we would need to know. It's that no one of us could teach ourselves everything we would need to know, at the necessary level of expertise. And then there's the fact that you just can't edit your own work. To produce a truly professional book requires at least a few different pairs of eyes.

There are only three possible ways I can think of that an author can get a book out there, without compromising quality:

1. Traditional publishing. I mean really traditional publishing, with the full editing and marketing force that goes with that. This option is like the lady's slipper I found this morning: we can't exactly pick that one, because it's an endangered species.
2. Extremely expensive self-publishing. You pay for four, or at the very least, three expert editors, in addition to experts in layout, graphics, electronic formatting, printing, marketing and distribution. I've probably forgotten a job or two. Obviously, most writers simply don't have the money for this one.
3. Collaboration. Like bees in a hive, each of us has a specialty, or develops one, and we all work together to publish and sell books we're not ashamed to put our names on.

The Plot

So that's the idea behind the Suckers Guild. We looked around and didn't see any writers' group already out there that worked like this, so we started one. To learn more, you can visit the Suckers Guild site.

The Title

I know you're wondering why we named it the Suckers Guild. It came from the half-joking remarks that began the whole conversation, about how we don't want our books to suck, about how our lack of access to publishing resources sucks, and even about PT Barnum's famous saying, that there's a sucker born every minute.

In the end, we chose it because it reminds us that while we strive against all the odds life throws at us, there's no need to be stuffy and take ourselves too seriously. Because -  yup, I'm going to say it - that would suck.

Thank You

Today I just want to take a break from the survival posts, the observations about writing, the grammar tips and the short stories, to say thank you. Every day I'm touched by Twitter retweets, comments here and on Facebook, and recommendations that just pop up for no apparent reason. It's humbling that so many strangers enjoy my writing, and frustrating that I can't respond to each one with the time and attention you deserve. I do want you to know that I notice and I'm grateful. You make writing even more enjoyable, you make me feel connected, and you inspire me to give my best.

Writing Tips: How to Use Your Bio to Turn People Off

Self-proclaimed bookworm.

Aspiring writer.

Writer and author.

Photo: usf.edu

These are just three of the phrases in people's Twitter, Facebook or even Amazon bios that drive me crazy.  I realize I'm a grammar nut and a bit of a purist, but it's not just that. These people are sabotaging their own success. I suppose I should be happy because it makes me look better in comparison, but it's hard to feel that way. Here's why they bother me:

• Self-proclaimed basically means 'I'm not calling her this; she's calling herself this.' So if you write it about yourself, what am I supposed to think?
• Aspiring means hoping. If you're an aspiring writer, then you're hoping to write. Well, stop aspiring and write already! 'Aspiring author,' is a different matter, but don't use it if you've got a book out.
• Writer and author. Since you can't possibly be an author unless you're a writer, why specify both? I can just imagine how this person's book must read: "I drove to the restaurant and steered. My wife had already arrived a few minutes earlier, and she looked lovely in a blue sleeveless dress and matching pumps, and she had clothes on. The wait was very long, but when the food came it was well worth it and acceptable. The food in that place is always delicious and edible, and both my wife and I love to eat and swallow there." 

Another thing that can turn off potential readers is using one word when you mean to use another one. Proofreading is very important (don't just rely on spell-check), but sometimes it's a matter of confusion between similar words. Here are some commonly confused ones:

• Loose is an archaic word meaning release. Use it if your fantasy character has been stricken by his conscience and decides to loose all his slaves. To lose means to be defeated in a competition or to be without something that you once had.
• Could of is incorrect. You mean to say could have. Same goes for should have and would have. It's a verb phrase: 'have' is a helping verb and 'of' makes no sense there because it's a preposition.
• Insure means make arrangements for payment if something goes wrong. Your car is probably insured. Troy Polamalu's hair is insured. Ensure means make sure. You should ensure that your meat is cooked before you eat it. In a lot of states you must ensure that your car is insured before you can register it.

Photo: usatoday.net

• Site, as a noun, means place or spot. Of course, it can also be a website: a place on the web. As a verb, it means 'put in place' or 'provide a place for.' Cite is a verb and it means reference. The related noun is citation. Sight, as a noun, is the sense we use our eyes for. As a verb, it refers to using our eyes to line up objects in a straight line. And that leads us to its other meaning as a noun: a tool we use for sighting, often called a gunsight. An example: "The dainty architect was always a welcome sight to new hires, but to the rest of us, she was a nightmare. No job was ever good enough for her, and she seemed to spend her entire time on the job site doing nothing but complaining and citing obscure regulations."
• A roll may be something to eat with dinner, the way the dice landed, a sleeping bag ready for carrying, or pretty much anything else that results from the act of rolling. A role, on the other hand, is a part to be played or a function to be carried out. If you tell me you've been 'roll-playing,' I'll think you've been playing marbles or croquet. 

And then there's the apostrophe-'s' issue. Which side of the 's' do you put the apostrophe on, or do you leave it off altogether? The answer depends on what you're trying to say. I'll get into that next time.

Fiction Writer Spotlight: Steven Ramirez

I'm considering starting an 'occasional series,' to borrow a newspaper term, in which I help you get to know the writers mentioned in my New Year's Day post "Fiction Writers to Watch."

So I'm starting with Steven Ramirez because his short story "Walker" is going to be free this week.

Among Steven's works are a screenplay, Killers, and several short stories. His short story "Walker" will be free on Thursday and Friday (January 10th and 11th) in the US.

You can connect with Steven on Twitter (@GrimBlazer) or Facebook (www.Facebook.com/GrimBlazer), or through his blog, Glass Highway.

Marketing for Fiction Writers

A big thank you to all the Twitter users who keep retweeting my tweets! It makes a big difference and I really appreciate it. I used to say so, personally, every time, but now there are just too many of you. What a wonderful problem to have! I do keep a list of all your usernames, though, and try to recognize you every Friday. If I overlook anyone, please speak up.

Photo: lifehack.org

Which brings me to the subject of marketing for fiction writers. There seem to be two basic schools of thought out there, from what I've seen:

1. Since we work so hard and produce products of value, we should sell them for a good price (even though we still may have to be working for a penny an hour for a while, until things pick up) and vigilantly protect our stories from being pirated or unintentionally shared.
2. Since most of the readers we're trying to reach need all the cash they can come up with for things like mortgage payments and fuel, and since most of us writers aren't famous yet, we should distribute our work as widely as possible for free. We should connect with other writers and pass their work on as well so they'll do the same for us, and once we've gained enough exposure, the money will come. It could be in the form of ad revenue on our blogs, or a publishing contract, or Kindle sales, or something else.

I tried the first option first, for over a year, and it failed miserably. For about three weeks now I've been wholeheartedly trying the second, and my blog traffic has skyrocketed. I want to thank Rebecca Scarberry (@ScarberryFields) and Nadine Ducca for the advice that got me started.

I'm still a rookie here, so advice from veterans is always appreciated.

Hiding Behind the Christmas Tree

Decembers are so predictable: holiday cheer and holiday blues, perky music and glitzy decorations and the pursuit of the 'true meaning of Christmas'. And of course in the background, day after grinding day, the bad news doesn't stop just because it's December. With bombings in Aleppo, rockets landing on Beersheba and alleged mass murders in Colombia, the headlines read like the sickest kind of ABC book.

Photo: primeself-storage.com

But then one day - last Friday to be exact - Americans took notice. People who didn't seem to care on December 13th about thousands killed in Syria or tens of thousands killed in Mexico suddenly reacted on December 14th when 28 were killed in Connecticut. It was, undeniably, a horrific event. It was shocking, gruesome and inconceivable. And so were all the other times people were shot to death, bombed to death, starved or crushed or raped or tortured in Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Haiti, Mali and elsewhere - including, of course, other locations in the United States.

I'm deeply disturbed by the Sandy Hook massacre, as I'm deeply disturbed by every instance of violence I hear about. But what disturbs me much more is the reaction I'm seeing - or, I should say, the lack of reaction. When on Friday my Facebook and Twitter feeds erupted with comments about violence after months of silence on the subject, and Google put a memorial candle on its search page where none had been the day before, I had to face a terrible truth. These people were not, as I had thought, deeply pained every day by the preventable suffering and pointless loss of life that never stops. They were not freshly goaded to hard work by each new headline. They had been looking the other way.

But hold on; it gets worse. A lot of the comments, thankfully, were attempts to brainstorm for a crowdsourced solution. But a surprising number of people actually appealed to the rest of us not to try to stop the killing. They said they needed us to let them focus on their feelings, and that there would be time for such talk after it was all over. Of course there was no reasoning with them, either, because they weren't interested in reason. They weren't motivated to stop the killing. They wanted to go back to looking the other way.

And then there were the people (I have to assume they meant well) who suggested prayer or "spiritual revival" was the answer. Now if prayer is a method of harnessing some cosmic or mystical power and directing it to accomplish specific goals, and if spiritual revival is an evil-erasing phenomenon we can simply wait for, then of course those are good answers. But the people who suggested these things are Christians. They believe in the Bible. And of course the Bible teaches that prayer without faith is useless, and 'faith' that's not demonstrated in action is nothing but hypocrisy.

Some people, it seems, have religion in their lives like they have Christmas trees in their houses. They display it where you can't help but notice, and it looks beautiful. And maybe it is a beautiful, natural thing, full of life and strength, but they've cut it off from its roots and removed it from its context. They've covered it with a variety of baggage taken from elsewhere, very attractive and eye-catching but cheap and fake on close examination. And there's probably nothing wrong with that. It's a tradition and a pretty one; it can add beauty and a sense of magic to daily life. But it's no substitute for living. It can't replace getting out of the pew and actually doing things and caring about people.

This Christmas season, though I desperately wish the terrible events of last Friday hadn't happened, it's my prayer that through this tragedy many people - especially my fellow Americans - will wake up and choose to look at what's happening to so many human beings just like us all over the world, and will choose to help stop it. If enough of us make that choice, I know we can succeed.

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